I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
