He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i now understand why vodka
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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