also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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