Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
