We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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