I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
