its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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