Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
