i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
