Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
