Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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