its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
