if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
