you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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