The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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