There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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