One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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