I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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