you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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