A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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