i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
