Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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