Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
