curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
