I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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