My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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