I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize