Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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