whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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