Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
