I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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