Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
