So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My vagina is officially offended.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
