All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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