I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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