True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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