Don't make out with my wife yet
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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