I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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