awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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