I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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