i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize