well you can't waste a boner
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
