He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
