I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
