Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
