complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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