i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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