Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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