we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
