K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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