I am full of burrito and curiosity
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
