She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
