Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
