dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i will never coherently bang her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
