i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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