The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
