when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
