Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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