Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
