Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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