so explain again why im purple
no
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
