We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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