so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
