woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have fence marks all over my body
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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