Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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(812): View more from Indiana

she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.

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(518): View more from New York

Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.

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(775): View more from Nevada

You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe

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(410): View more from Maryland

My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.

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