Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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