I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
