I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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