They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
