Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
