Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
