Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
