We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
