Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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