Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
