Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need water and some morals
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
