i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
